Good thing babies are cute because getting them out of your body sucks…

C-sections….let’s talk!

I can honestly say I would push 500 more babies out of my hoohaw then go through one more c-section in my life! I am by no means trying to offend woman who choose a planned c-section.. I honestly give you credit. But going from a somewhat non-eventful vaginal delivery to a c-section after 24 hours of labour was quite the eye opener!

The cutting and the ripping and the pulling of the skin.. I cannot and did not handle it well! Let’s not forget about my doctor, who had the definition of “man hands”, trying to pull a 9.9lb baby out of a 5in. incision! I could literally hear the force in his voice as he was trying to pull that sucker out.

While I was being prepped for SURGERY, it was surreal as the worst thing that has ever happened to me was diving into home plate and breaking my thumb! The nurse had told me I would shake uncontrollably during the procedure..sounds exciting..can’t wait! And is this normal? Why don’t friends tell you these things ahead of time? After two deliveries, dear friends who have not had babies yet, I solemnly swear that if you ever ask me about my deliveries, I am going into the deepest of detail whether you like it or not! ITS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

So unfortunately, my husband missed this piece of vital information so when my body started violently shaking while I was laying on the table, it was quite the scene! I wish he had watched more of the procedure from the front of the curtain but from what I remember, he put his head over the curtain, saw my stomach wide open, and decided that was enough!

Then we heard baby was out. Now, what I always assumed, was that no matter what ways babies entered the world, they were miserable and screaming out loud because they were so distraught after leaving their comfy cocoon.

Neither one of my boys ever made a sound! Not a peep, cry or whimper! Both times it was the worst 30sec of my life. Watching the nurses hustle around, putting air masks on them, their may have been a couple bum smacks, and I would just lay there wondering where they went with them!

Finally, I heard it! That little cry of life that brings floods of tears to your eyes. The most glorious sound in the world (which funny enough, a week later turns out to be the most annoyingly stressful sound in the world.. nothing can wake you out of a deep sleep faster than the shrill of a screaming newborn).

I’ll never forget the next thing we heard. “That is the biggest head I’ve ever seen!”. Granted his head was swollen from his delivery but just to put it in perspective, the size of our new born babies head was only 1.5 inches smaller than our 1.5 year old toddler! Basically, I was trying to birth a toddler and it was not happening! I got it then and there but I still did not accept it.

My poor babies head was swollen, bruised to the extreme and had a scraped up mark on the surface, which I could only assume was from Dr. sausage fingers weapon of water breaking destruction. Instant mom guilt!

“Why did I choose to get induced?”

“What if I just let it go naturally?”

“Why was I not strong enough to just push this baby out?”

I was going crazy with the what if’s!

I needed to keep reminding myself that he was out, safe and healthy and we were beyond in love with him, regardless of his mode of transportation out of my body. I had my first ever incision that bruised to the extreme the next day but such is life!

Also, why is it that I didn’t get to keep my baby with me afterwards? I mean, I was just cut open but that was my baby. I worked hard for it! Instead, I was sent to a recovery room while my husband sat in a chair, shirt off, skin to skinning our new born! The torture! My hot husband, shirtless, soaking in all the newborn squishyness! To say I was full of resent was an understatement. Just another typical story of mommy does all the work, daddy takes all the glory!

All was forgiven when, after a short but much needed rest and a muffin, my husband, new baby and midwife showed up because baby was hungry!

Oh god, the nursing! I had a million visions of my first newborn taking a month to finally latch on. They all flooded back instantly! And this baby was 2lbs heavier. He was going to want to eat and he was going to want to eat a lot. As my midwife placed him on me, it was on! He knew what he wanted and I knew what I was doing! Instant latch…. boo-ya! All was once again well in the world! Until I moved…..

Oh my god! I did not think I was ever going to be able to walk again! How was I ever supposed to bend, laugh, cough, sneeze, move or breathe ever again in my life. It was a roller coaster of emotions and I knew the next month of our life was going to be quite the adjustment! I was terrified on the inside but going through the motions of visitors, nurse visits, attempted laughs, endless nursing and baby cuddles, as calmly as possible! I was taking in all I could of our little one bed, one chair, hospital room sanctuary before heading home to chaos!

My sister and I have always had a pretty close relationship but she stayed with me in the hospital for the first night so my husband could be home with our toddler and I think our relationship reached a whole new level! My little sister helped me..change my..diaper! She was and always is a blessing but never have I ever felt my worst!

Baby and I stayed two nights and I had no idea how I was even going to walk out of the hospital on the last day! It was insanity! How do people do this and why was I such a nervous, anxious, sore wreck?

Sure enough, it was that time! I was sent home with my husband and my baby, home to our toddler and two Great Danes! Great! If I could have packed one or two nurses in my hospital bag I think I would’ve felt much better but this was it, The Big Show!

You better believe it! Our first night at home was as big of a disaster as my now saggy, stretch marked, stitched, previously large and in charge stomach!

This mommying thing was mounting on a whole new level … yeehaw!